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More NaNoPlotMo experiments! Too bad this will be the last one, I had fun doing them. This time, we could pick our challenge. I decided to go for this one:
The challenge:
"Write a short scene revolving around your character’s main flaw. Then attempt to write the same scene without the flaw. How much of a difference is there, and how does the flaw impact the theme, tension, and/or conflict of the scene?"
With a little bit of this:
"Try writing a short scene where all the action and emotion is centered around one character, BUT that character is not allowed to be the POV. You must write about them through the eyes of someone else."
Because some people find ‘Morion’ such a pretty word, I picked these two:
The flaw will be Orion’s, but he will not be the POV character. So there is a bit of the second goal in there, except that I couldn’t kill Morgan’s emotions. My style is just too thought-heavy for that.
Now, about the flaw: I couldn’t pinpoint Orion’s main one. Made me wonder if he had too many of them… Anyway, I picked one, but I don’t want to tell what it is. It forms such a big part of his personality and you probably know how I think about spoilers: I want you to get to know him via chapters and story snippets. Besides, I am not even sure how to call this flaw, haha! Heck, maybe it isn’t even a flaw, since it isn’t always bad. The prologue is pretty much centered on it though, so feel free to read that if you want to know how he got it.
What I did is make three versions of the same event: Orion has done something that was quite sneaky and Morgan is not pleased. Oh, and she got a bow at some point, but you can ignore that. I fear this is one of those texts where you get dropped in the middle of what’s happening, so no description of character and location.
Version one will show all the aspects of the flaw. Version two will show what happens when the flaw is completely gone. Version three will show Orion with an important aspect of his flaw gone. Sorry for spelling errors and such, this is one of those rushed texts again...
Version 1: flaw with certain aspect
‘Stop doing that.’ She sneered.
‘Stop doing what?’
‘Taking advantage of my curiosity – or any of my other weaknesses.’ She squeezed the weapon hard enough to make her hands tremble.
‘Well, puppet girl, better take care of your strings then, because I find them rather easy to control.’
Morgan strangled the bow so much now that its wood started to creak in protest. Maybe she should ‘accidentally’ fire an arrow in his direction…
He should be glad I don’t have the heart for that.
‘You can also leave those strings alone!’ she bit instead, trying to sound as mean as shooting him would have been.
Orion laughed at the verbal attack. Morgan could feel her fierce attitude crumble away with every chuckle. She gritted her teeth.
Cocky piece of krirr*…
‘Can’t do that, puppet.’ He leaned forward, looking at her as if her strings were presented to him on a silver platter. ‘It’s too interesting to see what happens when I pull one.’
‘Interesting? Interesting?! This isn’t purely out of interest anymore – you are a… a…’
‘A what? Or am I supposed to fill in the blank myself?’
‘You would love to do that, wouldn’t you? Not just ruling over what I do, but what I say as well. You are a dictator, Orion. A power-hungry control freak!’
Shock rushed into Orion’s eyes. They widened with pain and… age. He looked as old as he was supposed to be.** His lips drooped and his shoulders hang low, both beaten by the pull of gravity. Morgan took a step back in surprise. The confident manipulator had made way for an elderly man who had lived a life of mistakes, but was too old to undo them. It had taken his smugness with it - and with that gone, there wasn’t much of a crumb left of him for the crows to feed on.
His voice sounded just as frail as his looks. ‘Power… ‘
‘… Hungry. Control. Freak,’ she finished. Just three words, but to her, they felt like a victory speech. She had finally said something that brought control into her hands. Why not rub it in a bit more?
It isn’t kind. Then again, what he did wasn’t either.
She gave him a stare that told him never to mess with her again – the kind Saar could produce so well – but her eyebrow arched up; what exactly was so hurtful about her insult that it made the puppet master cut the strings off his toy so drastically?
Version 2: flaw gone (sorry, this one is short)
‘Stop doing that.’ She sneered.
‘Stop doing what?’
‘Taking advantage of my curiosity – or any of my other weaknesses.’ She squeezed the weapon hard enough to make her hands tremble.
Orion frowned. ‘I did?’
Morgan’s eyebrows made a similar movement. Didn’t he see his own mistake?
‘Well, yes,’ she said, ’and it was rather obvious as well.’
‘Ah… My apologies then, that wasn’t my intention.’
Morgan’s muscles relaxed, but not fully. Was he telling the truth? He hadn’t been completely honest with her before. She looked at him. His eyes were as snow on a sunny winter’s day***. She couldn’t find a lie in them. No hidden dangers.
‘Just don’t do it a second time, okay?’
‘Now you got that thing?’ He nodded at the bow. His lips curled slightly up, but they also became almost too thin to see. ‘I wouldn’t dare.’
Version 3: aspect of flaw gone
‘Stop doing that.’ She sneered.
‘Stop doing what?’
‘Taking advantage of my curiosity – or any of my other weaknesses.’ She squeezed the weapon hard enough to make her hands tremble.
‘Well, puppet girl, better take care of your strings then, because I find them rather easy to control.’
Morgan strangled the bow so much now that its wood started to creak in protest. Maybe she should ‘accidentally’ fire an arrow in his
direction…
He should be glad I don’t have the heart for that.
‘You can also leave those strings alone!’ she bit instead, trying to sound as mean as shooting him would have been.
Orion laughed at the verbal attack. Morgan could feel her fierce attitude crumble away with every chuckle. She gritted her teeth.
Cocky piece of krirr…
‘Can’t do that, puppet.’ He leaned forward, looking at her as if her strings were presented to him on a silver platter. ‘It’s too interesting to see what happens when I pull one.’
‘Interesting? Interesting?! This isn’t purely out of interest anymore – you are a… a…’
‘A what? Or am I supposed to fill in the blank myself?’
‘You would love to do that, wouldn’t you? Not just ruling over what I do, but what I say as well. You are a dictator, Orion. A power-hungry control freak!’
His lips curled up to their default position: the mocking grin that stood lonely at the top of her list of most annoying facial expressions.
‘That’s really the best you can come up with?’ he said smugly.
Morgan groaned. She took an arrow, nocked it and drew her bow.
You don’t have the heart, reason said.
She pushed the voice aside. This time, I don’t need to.
She aimed, then released the string.
The arrow screamed****, sound and heat ripping the air. Flames licked the shaft and left a trail of smoke and embers. The blazing projectile buried itself into the ground right in front of Orion’s feet, setting the grass ablaze. The man jumped back just in time. The flames were high enough to scorch his beard.
Now it was Morgan’s time to smile. She got him there. Death might not bother him, but he still didn’t like burns. He had said so himself. However, when she looked at his face, she saw the smirk was still there.
The fire went out, leaving faint, red cinders encircling a patch of ash the size of a door. She could hardly see that it had been grass that had stood there only moments ago. The arrow, on the other hand, laid unharmed in the middle of the scorched ground. It didn’t even get stained. Orion picked it up and let it roll nonchalantly through his fingers.
‘Again: you really can’t come up with something better? Everything you do today is a bit of a disappointment.’
Morgan marched away with flushed cheeks. Orion laughed quietly, a low rumble that could be felt better than heard. She wanted to be as far away from it as possible.
You can’t, her thoughts said. He has your arrow.
Morgan eyed her quiver. Twenty-three arrows were stuck in it. Twenty-three reasons she didn’t need to get the last one back. He could keep it.
* I don’t know what that means either, but it somehow feels much stronger when the meaning is unknown. In case you don’t know my characters: Morgan is not human and therefore has access to a language humans just can’t speak.
** Orion looks like he is in his late twenties, with great emphasis on ‘looks’.
*** Before you start thinking: ‘what a stupid comparison is that’, his eyes look like this.
**** In case you found this confusing: the bow comes with some fancy CGI that will be explained earlier in the chapter. Basically, the arrows catch fire when they hear a certain word in Morgan’s language. The arrowhead is made of whistles and lots of magic that can mimic the sound when the arrow flies through the air.
Conclusion
Version one is what the story snippet is supposed to look like (well, at the moment. I will probably tweak it). Version two is just so boring, nothing happens! Orion might be kind here, but no one wants to read about that. Version three turns him into a complete asshole. Interesting, but not very original and it's a rather simple kind of personality. I want him to be more complicated. What did surprise me is that I still recognise Orion in version 2 and 3, despite being edited. It's because his flaw pops up with various strengths throughout the story, so sometimes he is friendly, sometimes quite the opposite.
This scene got written thanks to one single sentence in the song 'Feel for you' by Nightwish. Never thought that 'puppet girl, your strings are mine' would affect me so much, haha!
For the peeps who already know these two: how close is this to your idea of 'Morion'?
The challenge:
"Write a short scene revolving around your character’s main flaw. Then attempt to write the same scene without the flaw. How much of a difference is there, and how does the flaw impact the theme, tension, and/or conflict of the scene?"
With a little bit of this:
"Try writing a short scene where all the action and emotion is centered around one character, BUT that character is not allowed to be the POV. You must write about them through the eyes of someone else."
Because some people find ‘Morion’ such a pretty word, I picked these two:
The flaw will be Orion’s, but he will not be the POV character. So there is a bit of the second goal in there, except that I couldn’t kill Morgan’s emotions. My style is just too thought-heavy for that.
Now, about the flaw: I couldn’t pinpoint Orion’s main one. Made me wonder if he had too many of them… Anyway, I picked one, but I don’t want to tell what it is. It forms such a big part of his personality and you probably know how I think about spoilers: I want you to get to know him via chapters and story snippets. Besides, I am not even sure how to call this flaw, haha! Heck, maybe it isn’t even a flaw, since it isn’t always bad. The prologue is pretty much centered on it though, so feel free to read that if you want to know how he got it.
What I did is make three versions of the same event: Orion has done something that was quite sneaky and Morgan is not pleased. Oh, and she got a bow at some point, but you can ignore that. I fear this is one of those texts where you get dropped in the middle of what’s happening, so no description of character and location.
Version one will show all the aspects of the flaw. Version two will show what happens when the flaw is completely gone. Version three will show Orion with an important aspect of his flaw gone. Sorry for spelling errors and such, this is one of those rushed texts again...
Version 1: flaw with certain aspect
‘Stop doing that.’ She sneered.
‘Stop doing what?’
‘Taking advantage of my curiosity – or any of my other weaknesses.’ She squeezed the weapon hard enough to make her hands tremble.
‘Well, puppet girl, better take care of your strings then, because I find them rather easy to control.’
Morgan strangled the bow so much now that its wood started to creak in protest. Maybe she should ‘accidentally’ fire an arrow in his direction…
He should be glad I don’t have the heart for that.
‘You can also leave those strings alone!’ she bit instead, trying to sound as mean as shooting him would have been.
Orion laughed at the verbal attack. Morgan could feel her fierce attitude crumble away with every chuckle. She gritted her teeth.
Cocky piece of krirr*…
‘Can’t do that, puppet.’ He leaned forward, looking at her as if her strings were presented to him on a silver platter. ‘It’s too interesting to see what happens when I pull one.’
‘Interesting? Interesting?! This isn’t purely out of interest anymore – you are a… a…’
‘A what? Or am I supposed to fill in the blank myself?’
‘You would love to do that, wouldn’t you? Not just ruling over what I do, but what I say as well. You are a dictator, Orion. A power-hungry control freak!’
Shock rushed into Orion’s eyes. They widened with pain and… age. He looked as old as he was supposed to be.** His lips drooped and his shoulders hang low, both beaten by the pull of gravity. Morgan took a step back in surprise. The confident manipulator had made way for an elderly man who had lived a life of mistakes, but was too old to undo them. It had taken his smugness with it - and with that gone, there wasn’t much of a crumb left of him for the crows to feed on.
His voice sounded just as frail as his looks. ‘Power… ‘
‘… Hungry. Control. Freak,’ she finished. Just three words, but to her, they felt like a victory speech. She had finally said something that brought control into her hands. Why not rub it in a bit more?
It isn’t kind. Then again, what he did wasn’t either.
She gave him a stare that told him never to mess with her again – the kind Saar could produce so well – but her eyebrow arched up; what exactly was so hurtful about her insult that it made the puppet master cut the strings off his toy so drastically?
Version 2: flaw gone (sorry, this one is short)
‘Stop doing that.’ She sneered.
‘Stop doing what?’
‘Taking advantage of my curiosity – or any of my other weaknesses.’ She squeezed the weapon hard enough to make her hands tremble.
Orion frowned. ‘I did?’
Morgan’s eyebrows made a similar movement. Didn’t he see his own mistake?
‘Well, yes,’ she said, ’and it was rather obvious as well.’
‘Ah… My apologies then, that wasn’t my intention.’
Morgan’s muscles relaxed, but not fully. Was he telling the truth? He hadn’t been completely honest with her before. She looked at him. His eyes were as snow on a sunny winter’s day***. She couldn’t find a lie in them. No hidden dangers.
‘Just don’t do it a second time, okay?’
‘Now you got that thing?’ He nodded at the bow. His lips curled slightly up, but they also became almost too thin to see. ‘I wouldn’t dare.’
Version 3: aspect of flaw gone
‘Stop doing that.’ She sneered.
‘Stop doing what?’
‘Taking advantage of my curiosity – or any of my other weaknesses.’ She squeezed the weapon hard enough to make her hands tremble.
‘Well, puppet girl, better take care of your strings then, because I find them rather easy to control.’
Morgan strangled the bow so much now that its wood started to creak in protest. Maybe she should ‘accidentally’ fire an arrow in his
direction…
He should be glad I don’t have the heart for that.
‘You can also leave those strings alone!’ she bit instead, trying to sound as mean as shooting him would have been.
Orion laughed at the verbal attack. Morgan could feel her fierce attitude crumble away with every chuckle. She gritted her teeth.
Cocky piece of krirr…
‘Can’t do that, puppet.’ He leaned forward, looking at her as if her strings were presented to him on a silver platter. ‘It’s too interesting to see what happens when I pull one.’
‘Interesting? Interesting?! This isn’t purely out of interest anymore – you are a… a…’
‘A what? Or am I supposed to fill in the blank myself?’
‘You would love to do that, wouldn’t you? Not just ruling over what I do, but what I say as well. You are a dictator, Orion. A power-hungry control freak!’
His lips curled up to their default position: the mocking grin that stood lonely at the top of her list of most annoying facial expressions.
‘That’s really the best you can come up with?’ he said smugly.
Morgan groaned. She took an arrow, nocked it and drew her bow.
You don’t have the heart, reason said.
She pushed the voice aside. This time, I don’t need to.
She aimed, then released the string.
The arrow screamed****, sound and heat ripping the air. Flames licked the shaft and left a trail of smoke and embers. The blazing projectile buried itself into the ground right in front of Orion’s feet, setting the grass ablaze. The man jumped back just in time. The flames were high enough to scorch his beard.
Now it was Morgan’s time to smile. She got him there. Death might not bother him, but he still didn’t like burns. He had said so himself. However, when she looked at his face, she saw the smirk was still there.
The fire went out, leaving faint, red cinders encircling a patch of ash the size of a door. She could hardly see that it had been grass that had stood there only moments ago. The arrow, on the other hand, laid unharmed in the middle of the scorched ground. It didn’t even get stained. Orion picked it up and let it roll nonchalantly through his fingers.
‘Again: you really can’t come up with something better? Everything you do today is a bit of a disappointment.’
Morgan marched away with flushed cheeks. Orion laughed quietly, a low rumble that could be felt better than heard. She wanted to be as far away from it as possible.
You can’t, her thoughts said. He has your arrow.
Morgan eyed her quiver. Twenty-three arrows were stuck in it. Twenty-three reasons she didn’t need to get the last one back. He could keep it.
* I don’t know what that means either, but it somehow feels much stronger when the meaning is unknown. In case you don’t know my characters: Morgan is not human and therefore has access to a language humans just can’t speak.
** Orion looks like he is in his late twenties, with great emphasis on ‘looks’.
*** Before you start thinking: ‘what a stupid comparison is that’, his eyes look like this.
**** In case you found this confusing: the bow comes with some fancy CGI that will be explained earlier in the chapter. Basically, the arrows catch fire when they hear a certain word in Morgan’s language. The arrowhead is made of whistles and lots of magic that can mimic the sound when the arrow flies through the air.
Conclusion
Version one is what the story snippet is supposed to look like (well, at the moment. I will probably tweak it). Version two is just so boring, nothing happens! Orion might be kind here, but no one wants to read about that. Version three turns him into a complete asshole. Interesting, but not very original and it's a rather simple kind of personality. I want him to be more complicated. What did surprise me is that I still recognise Orion in version 2 and 3, despite being edited. It's because his flaw pops up with various strengths throughout the story, so sometimes he is friendly, sometimes quite the opposite.
This scene got written thanks to one single sentence in the song 'Feel for you' by Nightwish. Never thought that 'puppet girl, your strings are mine' would affect me so much, haha!
For the peeps who already know these two: how close is this to your idea of 'Morion'?
Some more stuff for NaNoPlotMo. Found some time and internet to do this (and a story snippet that was already done, that certainly speed things up), yay! Though I think this was supposed to be done in June... Oh well.
*little commercial break*
Here is where I will dump more art and info about my story:
queenofeagles.deviantart.com/g…
And here is the prologue:
Prologue - a State of Equilibrium
And here is the guide to my world:
Guide to 'a State of Equilibrium'
*little commercial break*
Here is where I will dump more art and info about my story:
queenofeagles.deviantart.com/g…
And here is the prologue:
Prologue - a State of Equilibrium
And here is the guide to my world:
Guide to 'a State of Equilibrium'
© 2016 - 2024 queenofeagles
Comments9
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I think the first one is the closest idea of Morion, as you meet some Orion emotions as well, from Morgan's side then. Still, the flaming arrow was a very good scene on the other hand. First one has great character chemistry, the second has more action. Yes, the second one indeed lacks of dynamic, but the scene in general is a pleasure to read. Morion Yay! 
The idea of Morion is that they care about each other, but sometimes don't understand each other because they differ a lot
They have a very intense and special relationship, not sassy, silly and romantic, but a real pleasure to read!
The idea of Morion is that they care about each other, but sometimes don't understand each other because they differ a lot
They have a very intense and special relationship, not sassy, silly and romantic, but a real pleasure to read!